** read more at the bottom of the page involving statistics, actions to help, and more. Names hidden for privacy purposes.
The Red Thread of Fate is an East Asian belief originating from Chinese mythology. The idea is that an invisible red string ties the ankles of people who are destined to meet. The string may stretch, get tangled, or get wrapped around other obstacles but it will never break. I grew up with this string in mind. Some people associate this thread with romantic, familial, or platonic relationships. I associate it with my foster siblings.
I’ve learned from my mom that everyone enters your life for a reason. She says sometimes they’re put in your life as a lesson to learn and sometimes they’re just there for a good. Over twenty different pairs of shoes, ten toothbrushes, thousands of legos, and one teepee tent later, my house has been marked in many different ways by the ten kids we’ve opened our home and arms to. I find myself tripping over the ten strings tied around my ankles—one for every kid with a trash bag.
The first string was tied by a girl named [redacted]. She was our first foster kid, and as kindly as she said it, “she could tell.” Her first night, we pigged out on Salt & Straw and Dutch Bros. Then despite it being a school night for me, we stayed up all night watching terrible Netflix originals, making fun of the plotlines and bonding over the actors. While she was here, we were inseparable. Whether it was looking through my school yearbook or it was simply sitting on the couch doing homework, we were joined at the hip. Our connection was instantaneous and harmonious. I couldn’t be more grateful for a first-placement experience.
Months later we were brought [redacted] (he totally lives up to his name). [Redacted] was seven, going on seventy, and was the funniest kid you’ll ever meet. We took him in for a long term placement. His hobbies included vacuuming, dusting, and mopping. If he were still staying with us, our house might be a bit cleaner.
On September 5th, 2023 I was driving home from my second week of junior year and his first day of second grade at my old elementary school. I made him an extra special lunch for his first day that morning. Pulling into the driveway I was stunned by the sight of all of his belongings (back in their original boxes) sitting in my driveway. His first day of school was a rough one and, apparently, the lunch I made him didn’t make it very far. The deficiency of this “goodbye” still tugs on my heart a year later. The six nights [redacted] spent with us were some of my favorites. [Redacted] was a good example of “here for a good time”. For those kinds of people in your life, cherish them because you don’t know that they’re only here that long until it comes to an end. Cherish quickly became a word cognate with [redacted].
Despite those being two of the most impactful placements, every other one has touched my heart in a different way.
Over the last two years, I’ve seen changes in myself— changes that I figured wouldn’t occur as I thought I was set in stone as a person. I’ve been shown how to be empathetic and compassionate. I’ve learned how to set and respect boundaries. I’ve learned resilience. Most of all, I’ve learned how to offer a place of solace and an embrace of consolation to kids who have never known that. I feel I know these kids like my own blood. Being a foster sister has been a humbling, profound, unpredictable, emotional, rewarding, and flexible experience. I have never been so grateful for such a diverse and complicated part of my life.
- Photo courtesy of Pinterest
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This was my college admissions essay. I wrote this over a year ago and it got me into almost every single school I applied to. Every word of this is true but I’ve never shared this piece with anyone. I’ve never spoken up about my experience with the foster care system as someone who takes kids in. Let this also be my political opinion on very controversial topics such as reproductive rights. We cannot afford to put more kids in this system. As someone who has no regrets with taking kids into my home, it’s terrifying how many awful situations kids have been put in because those who took them in were not properly trained or prepared to take on such a big task. Below is a letter I wrote to Tina Kotek (with no response) and the ODHS board. If this issue is something that’s important to you, please read it and consider reaching out to your state legislators and politicians with your concerns on this or anything else.
Dear ODHS Board and Governor Kotek,
As a foster sister who has helped care for ten children over the past 18 months, I am writing to urge you to take immediate, meaningful action to address the foster care housing crisis in Oregon. Every child deserves a safe, stable place to live. But right now, too many are being placed in hotels, unlicensed rentals, and even sent out of state to facilities that lack oversight and compassion.
I’ve seen the system fail firsthand. One of our long-term placements came to us after her father died and her mother struggled with addiction. After her mother passed away, this child was removed from our care and sent to a placement that is completely unsuitable for her needs. She is now living in a home that is causing more harm than healing, and it’s devastating to see. As someone who is seeing these firsthand impacts, I am begging you to provide an ounce of empathy to these children and take a glimpse into what they face every day. The system doesn’t seem to care about the long-term well-being of these children as long as it can claim they are “placed.”
This is not an isolated case. Oregon spent more than $850,000 in December 2018 alone to send 83 foster youth out of state. Between 2016 and 2018, the number of foster kids placed in out-of-state facilities increased by 168%. These are not just numbers. They represent real kids, real situations, and real families, living far from home, often in places where they receive inadequate care or none at all.
We also cannot ignore the danger of placing children in unregulated short-term rentals. The state paid over $8 million to a religious nonprofit with questionable staff and practices, including individuals facing harassment charges and untrained personnel claiming to be “Christ’s psychologist in training.” These placements are unsafe and unacceptable. My family went through an immense amount of training and it still didn’t always feel like we were equipped to deal with some of the challenges that are a package deal. If I believe the training we went through wasn’t always enough, then what these nonprofits are training for absolutely isn’t acceptable.
Children are not problems to be shuffled around—they are people with trauma who need consistent, trained, and loving support. I am reaching out and calling on ODHS and Oregon leaders to put forth funds involved in the training and support of more long-term, therapeutic foster families, immediately terminate the practice of sending foster youth to out-of-state facilities, and make full certainty that all placements are licensed, supervised, and held to high standards of care.
These are not radical demands. They are solely moral responsibilities. I hope you’ll listen to those of us who have seen the human side of this crisis. These children need safety, not just a bed. They need an appropriate support system, not a place that was settled on.
Thank you for your time, and for taking this issue seriously.
Sincerely,
Paetyn Rector, 19 years old
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